“The vampire bible, bound in human skin, written in blood, and full of prophecies that were never wrong. Trouble was, if you read the thing too long, it drove you nuts. Not “I’m having a bad day and feel bitchy” nuts or PMS nuts. “I think I’ll commit felony assault on my friends and rape my boyfriend” nuts.”
Then I wheeled around, ready to pounce on my meddlesome mother -but she was already at the front closet, wearing an old L.L. Bean barn jacket and sunglasses, trying to dig the keys to the Volvo out of her overstuffed purse.
“What are you doing?”
“Well, I guess we’re going shopping, right?”
“Ma!” I rolled my eyes. “There isn’t really a bra sale! You made it up remember? I was just trying to blow him off.”